TCMMY Men's Roundtable Series: How Perception Shapes Men's Choices and Relationships

Perception isn’t truth, but it still runs the show if you let it. We pulled together a sharp, candid panel to unpack how men shape and are shaped by perception—on the mic, at work, and at home—and what it takes to align image with reality. From social media polish to real-world integrity, we ask the hard questions: whose opinions matter, how do emotions warp judgment, and what does authentic leadership actually look like?

We start by defining perception from multiple angles—vantage point, emotion, and presentation—then dig into why men often make choices based on how things seem rather than how they are. The conversation turns practical fast. You’ll hear honest stories of getting it wrong, how anger and fear distort decision-making, and the “act, don’t react” pause that can save a relationship or a career. Our creators share how to handle online heat with the bless–block–delete method, while others argue for a small circle of trusted voices over the noise of strangers. Faith shows up as a stabilizer: humility, truth, and service as anchors when perception feels like a storm.

We also challenge cultural scripts about masculinity. Is crying weakness or courageous honesty? Where does vulnerability meet responsibility? We explore leadership through consistency, feedback, and example—measuring what matters so you can actually improve. Then we go after society’s programming around success. The fix isn’t hustle theater; it’s defining success for yourself—time freedom, family presence, spiritual growth, meaningful work—and aligning daily choices with that definition. For the next generation, strength looks like emotional intelligence, critical thinking, accountability, and lived wisdom. Feel your emotions; don’t obey them. Build a life where your character sets your image, not the other way around.

If this resonated, subscribe on YouTube at youtube.com/@theycallmemistayu, share the episode with a friend who needs it, and drop a comment with your definition of strength. Your perspective might be the nudge someone else needs today.

All of our previous shows are right here: https://tcmmymensroundtableseries.buzzsprout.com/

Transcript

Welcome, Format, And Topic Setup

SPEAKER_07 0:18

Welcome back to the men's roundtable series podcast. I'm your host and moderator, Mr. U in the building. We got some guys today. Talking about some men's issues. How are you fellas doing today? Everybody snowed in? Wow. No good, everybody. Wow, that's this is crazy, man. But, anyways, you guys that are watching for the first time, upper right hand corner of your screen is a QR code. You can grab that to catch all of our shows up to this point. We are monthly men's roundtable series podcast show. So we do uh 60, 90 minutes one one day a month, talking about men's issues. Safe space for you guys that are watching and listening. Drop your comments in the comment section on Facebook or YouTube. We'll hear from you guys and your thoughts on what we're talking about and on the men's issues where you are. So look forward to hearing from you guys real quick. But let's go ahead and jump into

Defining Perception From Multiple Angles

SPEAKER_07 1:16

the topic. All right, so we're talking about the power of perception. I think it's a really big deal for men, but I want you guys to help us flesh out the idea that when I say perception, just real quick around the board, what do you guys think? Or what comes to mind when I say perception for you guys as men? Go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

I'll jump in there. Um I say perception is is it's not truth, right? But it definitely drives behavior more powerfully than truth. So that's kind of my idea of what perception is.

SPEAKER_08 1:55

Perception is perception.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

Perception is filling ahead. I'm getting some bad echo here. Perception is feeling, guys. It's it's all about how you feel about it. It's got nothing to do with reality.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Okay, well, I would say uh perception is is uh vantage point.

SPEAKER_04 2:19

From my vantage point, I see it this way, from your vantage point, you see it that way. Don't mean mine is right and yours is wrong, it's just uh your position.

SPEAKER_06 2:31

Yeah, I definitely agree as well. Perception, some say it's reality, but until you see that reality within the reality of that situation, is it really reality?

SPEAKER_01 2:43

Yeah, but you know, perception is ultimately what we, you know, as all of us on here, I see podcast creators, I see uh coaches, I see leaders, I see men following after the heart of God. That's the perception that we present to the rest of the world. And and that is it's like whether and somebody everyone presents something, everyone presents some level of perception of who they are to the public and to uh others in their circle and everything else. And the real question is is how close to reality is it, you know, and that's the that's the problem, and that's the difference and the hardness of discernment, I think, that we have in this world, because now with all of our technological advances, I can present something that could be totally false, and you'll never know it. And that's the hard thing that we've got to deal with in life, I think.

SPEAKER_07 3:41

Definitely. Our friend uh show that Dr. B is in the house, told me it's nice here in Denver, but you need to stop that lie, you know it's not nice to live. I'm gonna get more of us combined out there, man. But good see you, Dr. B. Thanks for

Perception vs Truth In Modern Life

SPEAKER_07 3:56

jumping in the comment session. We appreciate that, man. So, you know, perception is not truth. Let's be real about that, but it does drive behavior. A lot of times it it drives behavior more powerfully than truth does, which is kind of weird. I mean, as a whole, maybe not you guys, but men frequently make decisions based on how they interpret situations. It's not about what's actually going on in their life, it's what they how they perceive it, how they see it. How did that, in your opinion, how does that misperception influence your decisions and your relationships?

SPEAKER_00 4:30

I'll jump in on that if that's right. Um, the uh the the perception thing when I think of that, it's um it's sort of it's what we strive for in that we want everybody to perceive us a certain way. It's what we're trying to accomplish every day. But then it also is uh our biggest downfall because that's all we worry about, is how we're looked at. And I think to answer your question, you right here, um, you know, in the way that that's the way we're perceived is something that we worry about way too much. Uh, it's something that we spend almost our entire lives working on, I think these days, more than ever, uh, through social media, through, you know, um our businesses, uh, especially folks like us who are on here, who are very visible uh all the time with what we do. We're constantly on a camera, we're constantly behind a mic. Uh, and so that ends up being, I think too often we make decisions based on how that perception is going to be affected, instead of simply making the decision based on what's right uh in the bigger picture. Uh and I think that that's something that we all have to contend with on a regular basis.

SPEAKER_07 5:26

Yeah, absolutely. Christopher, anybody else? Unmute you, Sabio. Gotcha. Come on, Professor.

SPEAKER_04 5:40

I ask my students all the time when we talk about perception and uh in the interpersonal communication class, do they care how they're perceived? Should you care how you perceive? And there's a mixed bag of answers. Uh, yes and no. It depends on who you're trying to uh impress or who you're trying to think about in regards to should it matter? People at the grocery store, do you care what they think of you? How you dress, how you walk in there? Uh people at work, your supervisors, your boss, uh, it should matter because they they they holding the keys, right? So it's so subjective and it's so individual. Uh, should you care, should you not care? And and at a certain extent, every time people, all of us wake up in the morning, we select what we're gonna wear, how we're gonna dress, how we look, how we present. So when somebody tells me they don't care how they're perceived, I ask questions really, why'd you put that on this morning? Why'd you select this color? Why'd

How Perception Drives Men’s Decisions

SPEAKER_04 6:56

you select this brand, this style, you know? And it just forces them to kind of think, dang, maybe I do care about how I'm perceived than I'm willing to admit.

SPEAKER_07 7:05

Just a wee bit, right?

SPEAKER_01 7:06

Yeah, yeah, no, it's good, man. Thanks, dude. I just love number one. I just want to um, Professor Steve, I see that drill serent hat in the back, and so absolutely um, you know, there's that perception that, yeah, absolutely, right. When certain images or certain things come into your mind, it brings a perception. And so I already know or have a perception, having been through basic training myself in my 13 years in the military and all of that, there's a perception that comes with that. There's a perception that comes with everything that we do, and just like you said, somebody that says that they don't have any care about their perception. Well, if you're wearing just your PJs to Walmart, well, I get it. And and there is a level that I think in our society, some people are not are trying to say, I don't care about my perception, and I think we're losing the art of actually having some level of care. Like you said, do you care about the perception you have in front of your boss? Right? Absolutely, yeah. Are you trying to keep your job? All right, nowadays with economic situation that we got, you know, you can't mess around with that stuff. But then the other part of it, as a lot of us on here specifically with podcasts and everything else, and we're presenting ourselves as also a level of influence. Your presentation also equals do you command respect? Do you bring in a level of having that presentation uh to say yes, I'm somebody you should either listen to or consider compared to everybody else out there? And so presentation helps bring all of that out. Um, of course, there's different levels of that we need to maintain that there's also an authenticity, though. If I'm perceiving that you are absolutely being disingenuous throughout your presentation, it's all about the lights, it's all about the show, it's all about you're saying the fancy words, you might as well have just got all of that off of Chat GPT or something, and you're not presenting anything from the heart, then that presentation will erode and you will just be seen as fake. So there has to be some level of authenticity in your presentation for people to connect.

Caring About Others’ Opinions: How Much?

SPEAKER_01 9:16

Because at the end of the day, if if me as a human being are able to connect with you as another human being and being genuine, then I lose that presentation of genuineness from you. And I think that that's a major aspect of all of this. And when it comes to relationships, that's the huge part of it. We're human beings that thrive and operate out of relationships with one another, and you have to have that.

SPEAKER_07 9:42

Have to as a point of clarity for us now. I want to, I'm not really pivoting, but just I want to ask a question for the for you guys. Can you think of a time where your perception of a situation was totally proven wrong? Like you missed it, you were not accurate. Can you think of examples of that? Because I think our listeners and viewers, I think they get value when they hear us talk about this. Really transparent about where we fail, but we don't get it right. Because a lot of men have lofty uh responsibilities on their shoulders, wherever they come from, their obligations. Hearing that, said somebody free today. So do you guys can you think of a situation where your perception of a situation was totally inaccurate, it was totally off of the mark? It can be a brief story, but just want to just share it real quick. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 10:32

Yeah, I'll say so for me, uh perception, you know, uh how you look at yourself is critical. I'll say hold on.

SPEAKER_07 10:44

Stephen's on that.

SPEAKER_03 10:45

Can you hear me?

SPEAKER_07 10:47

Yeah, go ahead, Stephen.

SPEAKER_03 10:49

Yeah, so basically how how a man perceives himself is critical. It can help shape his life uh one way or the other. So for me, when I wrote my first book, you know, I I struggled with it at first because I didn't believe I was capable, right? I didn't believe I was worthy enough to put my thoughts, my struggles, and things on paper. But then I had to quickly realize that it's not true, it's false. So how you look at yourself internally within is critical to how your life is shaped up.

SPEAKER_06 11:25

Yeah, I was I was gonna say um as far as just military-wise, you know, we we strive really, really, really big on, you know, understanding that lives are a state type thing. So uh perception sometimes, you know, as senior individuals, we see it in a whole different complexion than some of the juniors. Um yeah, and one major thing is social media. You know, we we came from that old school era of you're not on social media like that at all. When I say like that, just meaning uh you're not showing your personal life per se because you you're you're a service member 24-7 and and you're expected to adhere to the standards and all the good things. So now what we see a lot of is I got I have the uniform on, but at the same time, it's my perception of my life and how I want to do things. So uh it could it could get pretty crazy.

SPEAKER_07 12:27

Sorry. Thanks, Coach. Appreciate that. Anybody else?

SPEAKER_01 12:36

So I gotta I'm gonna keep it real vague, but it was kind of a hurtful situation where it was uh and this is where even like perception in in our church world can actually hurt us when somebody is presenting themselves as to be somebody that is trying to be there and have your back and you follow this person for a long time, and then all of a sudden they start using things that you opened up because you had a level of trust with them, right? Perception starts building trust, and that's the other like area that we have to be cautious with, is that us that even I'm presenting a level of presentation to somebody

Classroom And Military Lenses On Image

SPEAKER_01 13:20

else, and so therefore they start building trust in me. I have to handle that very well and careful. But when other people misuse that and then abuse that trust, and then start saying, Hey, I'm gonna start flipping the script on you, I'm gonna use things that you told me in in private or in and things like that, and start weaponizing that against you, I've had that happen. And that just changed that changes instantly the perception of that who that person truly is on the inside and what their agendas and goals were isn't is not genuine to what they presenting themselves as. And that and that's the thing I think we need to understand how presentation equals into these other second and third order effects in life, and that we have a whole huge level of responsibility when we're somewhat of a public figure or we're somewhat of somebody that is out in, even if it's just in your local community, if it's in your church or your congregation, that you're building trust with people you may not even know their name because your congregation may be big enough, but you are you still hold somebody's trust and not to you know misuse that, and and I don't know, it just it brings a lot of lofty weight to the situation when we look at it in those terms.

SPEAKER_07 14:41

Absolutely, we're talking about the power of perception. Dr. B dropped a comment that if someone tells you they don't care about their perception, they're lying. As we are born to be in community or relationships, so it does matter. Thank you, Dr. B. Good stuff. I got you wrong in the house afternoon, family. Sent you a message three months ago. I ain't heard back from you yet. What's that about?

SPEAKER_02 15:02

Talk to your boy, talk to your boy. Hey, you can I just jump in on Brian's comment real quick, please. Yes, sir. So I will agree to disagree with him on a lot of things there because I think one of our biggest problems in today's culture is we care way too much about too many people's perception. We we live in the social media age, and so we're hardlining likes and thumbs ups and all the good different social media crap. I care about my wife's perception on me, I care about my daughter's perception on me, I care about men I respect who are in my circle, but I don't give a crap about the majority of people's perception on me. And I'm I'm I host five podcasts, right? I don't actually care if you like me or if you like my show because there are people who do, and I don't want you to like me because you like me because you have a wrong perception of me. I want people to listen to my show because I'm telling truth, I'm sharing valuable information, and I don't actually care what they care about me personally. The Mohawk is proof of that. Um, yes, we are hardwired to be community. My daughters like it, they pick this out. This is my 11 to 14 year old, right? I think you're amazing, Brent. Just to be able to do it. But we we are hardwired to community. The problem is we need to care about our real community because all his online stuff is just nonsense. I don't care what Bob in Indiana has to say about the way my hair looks because my daughters like it, right? So that's the dangerous thing when we start getting into perception because it's all about feeling and emotion, right? I want to be judged based on truth, I want to be judged based on serving the God I love and trying to be what he wants me to be. I want to be judged on being the husband and father I'm God means me to be. But anybody else, all these people on social media, I have horrible social media followings because I don't give a rip about people following me on social media, right? I know I'm supposed to as a content creator, but honestly, what Bob in Indiana thinks of me, I couldn't care less. So it it's a it's a very difficult line, especially as a creator, but in general, the fact that we care so much about what people we will never interact with in our lives think about us is making us stupid and weak.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

All right, you you gotta let me in on this, you all right? Because I don't know where all this Indiana hate is coming from, bro. But I mean Ayo, all right, and and it's Rory, not Bob. Okay, but let me just you know I love you guys, man. It's great. Um, and I love the Mohawk, man. I think it's it's flashy. So I mean, you got guts, bro. I love it. Um, I do I wanted to piggyback on the comment though, real quick. Yeah, and that is just that uh I'm with Brent in a lot of ways, uh, but it took me a while to get there. And so I think what happened with me, just to you know keep it real, is that I wanted um I wanted to put out the perception that I didn't care how I was perceived. You know, that was like a thing that I was striving for. It really did bother me that people didn't like me and that I got all the hate when I first started my podcast. But I had to put out a persona of I don't care what anybody thinks of me because I had to somehow become stronger. Now,

Authenticity, Presentation, And Trust

SPEAKER_00 18:35

years later, I am where Brent is. I actually don't care. It doesn't bother me. I lose no sleep, it's all good, and sometimes it's even funny when I get the hate. But when I first started, it was really funny because it was I wanted to have the perception, I wanted people to perceive me as someone who didn't care how I was perceived. And I think that a lot of us kind of have that that goal until we get there, you know. But it's a process, and uh, you know, now I'm where Brent is now. I'm I could care less, but it does take a minute.

SPEAKER_04 19:07

Yeah, that that I think all of those are great points, and what I what I gather from listening to the various uh perspectives is that it starts with self, self-concept, self-esteem. If you feel confident about who you are, the more and more you don't really care what other people think about you, but it's getting people to understand getting comfortable with themselves and how they present, what they do. It starts with self, and everybody's self-confidence or self-esteem isn't where ours is right now because we've all been a point in our lives where we struggled with uh how we identify, how we look, how we dress, and that kind of stuff. Uh, so tying the two together is really important. Uh, for people as confident as Britt, your self-confidence is through the roof. But then there's another you know, youngster out there who is thinking about wearing a wearing a mohawk, and he just is not feeling it because he, you know, his classmates may may clown him. And then when he sees somebody like Britt doing it boldly and wearing a mohawk boldly, now that can seep into that young fella and say, you know what, I see this guy doing it, he's comfortable. At some point, that young man could get comfortable wearing a mohawk and rocking it with power. Uh, so the self and perception uh can't be untied, they they go together, uh, in my opinion.

unknown 20:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 20:42

Yeah, I got I gotta jump on that too, man. Because think about it from this, think about it from this perspective. And you, Steph, you know this. If I start talking about Michael Jordan and LeBron right now, we all got a perception of that. If I start talking about truth, that's what you mean. Absolutely. If if I start talking about um Sam Darnold and Lamar Jackson, we all got a perception of that. So I I agree with with Stu. I also agree with Nick, and I also agree with you know my man with the Mohawk. Um, because every one of us, you know, have something like Dr. Arnold said in the chat, man, that you you care about what someone may say. Like I I could crack the code right now. At 17 years old, I used to smoke crack rock. So any anyone's perception could be, well, I didn't. I I've never done that. Okay, good for you, brother. Hey, you you used to get high of whatever. Cool. But the reality is, I just took the power back by saying it. So if someone gets in the chat right now and say, Oh man, I won't listen to crack. Coach my freaking you, you know what? Bro, you used to smoke crack. Well, how would I listen to you? You know, that that perception goes back to, like you said, on a social media platform or whatever the case, I still have to look within and say, okay, I have to respect that person's thought and feeling on that in terms of how they

When Perception Fails: Personal Stories

SPEAKER_06 22:32

perceive me. Oh, okay, I'm Muslim. I'm Christian. I'm I'm a Buddhist monk walking from Texas to Washington, D.C. You know, how how does that perceive? You know, again, so we had a lot of these conversations, Stu and I talked yesterday for like two hours about these same principles of perception, of how certain things are viewed, you know, how we internally, and it goes back to what you said, Stu. I'll pass the Mike, but you said it, man, interpersonal communication. Interpersonal communication. Because as I could sit here today and think of the power in which that perception really moves, the frequency, you know, again, we could talk it, but are we really living it, man? Is the truth of the matter. You know, someone just sent me 10 minutes ago the Plato, you know, cave allegory. You know, and I'm looking at that and I'm just sitting there like, wow, these gentlemen sitting in this cave, seeing this perception, you know, that they thought was reality until one of them escaped out of the cave and then saw the real reality, the trees, the birds, the flowers, water. And then he went back down into the cave trying to convince those ones that, hey, man, it's up here, and they and they wouldn't rock with it. So again, the perception, you know, you can only own your own perception. That's why I said at the beginning. Uh in the Marine Corps, we harp on that, Stephen Miller. I know your army, I love the army. We harp on the perception is reality. If a junior Marine sees you doing it, the senior guy, then you just open up the floodgate for them to be able to want to do it. You know, and and there's truth to that. So again, but it still comes back to the within. So, yeah, man. Man, come on, you man. You you always got these these high-power conversations, bro, that just getting so man. Wow. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_07 24:35

Okay, so let's let's keep moving, man. But before before I ask this question, but buddy of mine, good friend of mine's military man, dropping in, first timer. Good to see you, Matt. These are the boys. Boys, it's Matt. All right, so I want to, I'm not, this is not designed to be a counter to what you said, Brett and Warri. I'm I'm I want you to kind of I'm not asking you to soften your stance either. I'm asking you to position it for somebody who may be in that place where they're struggling with that. Because I personally think if you tell them, well, this is what I do, just do that, it probably won't work out very well for them. So, how would you guys, and and do that as brief as you can so we can move so we can uh pivot to the next part of the combo, but how would you position it for them who somebody who's maybe struggling with the idea of being light so that they can you know kind of get along in this podcasting game? What would you say to them, you know, outside of your personal opinion about how you feel about you know not caring? How would you help them to come to the right conclusions there? What would you what would you say, Renault? Whoever wants to go first, jump in real quick.

SPEAKER_02 25:46

Are you uh let me clarify the question? Are you asking you just said podcast? Are we talking about podcasters specifically or just social media, man? Huh? All of that, everything. You said podcaster, so I want to know who we're trying to address podcaster slash social media slash media.

SPEAKER_07 26:03

I don't even care. Pick go ahead, Brett. Yeah, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 26:06

All right, for the general uh person listening who is outside of this insane life that we call content creation, because I I do a whole show on how nuts this world is. Uh, because let's face it, we don't live normal lives. We talk on the radio or on the internet. Yay, our life does not look like most people. Um, for people outside of that world, right? I heard this great idea the other day, someone uh on the on YouTube, someone expressed it. And it it's you have to look at life with perspective, right? So it's the five-year world. 99% of the people in your orbit will not be in your world in five years, period. And so you have to worry about your own love, how you care about feel about yourself, how you care about yourself, how you perceive yourself, and the one percent of those people, like your parents, your immediate family, your spouse, how they perceive you, and let everything else go because 99% of those people aren't gonna be in your life. They don't matter, it doesn't matter, they're gone. Who cares? The world moves forward without them, and you will too. Once you understand that, because I've lived all over the United States, I've moved from coast to coast, north to south, lived all over the place, and honestly, there are a handful of people in my lives, other than my family, in my life, other than my family, who have been in my life for more than five years. Very small handful. For the creators out there, it's really simple. You can be loved for what you're not, and it's only gonna be around for a long a short time because you can only live that lie so long. Or you can be loved for what you are, and you will find your tribe, you will find people who want what you're sharing as long as it's authentic and legitimate and not a bunch of crap, right? You're not telling lies. But if you are sharing from your heart, doing your best to share with people, you will find your tribe. But if you try and sell out to get those clicks, likes, downloads, that's a short-lived life. Christopher Brent, thank you. Rory, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

Yeah, I'll be quick. Um, I would tell somebody, you know, who's in this position, who's starting off, um, uh, that I get it. I was in the exact same spot when I first started, it hurt. Uh, it bothered me, made me think, hey, I gotta change what I'm doing because people don't like me. And um, if you do that, if you cowt out everybody else, then you're never gonna get anywhere. Uh, if you try to be everything to everyone, you'll be nothing to no one. Uh, I would also tell folks that, you know, the way that you get past that is by using a technique that I call bless, block, and delete. And, you know, when

Creators, Trolls, And Finding Your Tribe

SPEAKER_00 28:51

you get the comment, for instance, that is like, oh, well, you this and you that and you suck and blah, blah, blah. You know what? You bless them because they're having a rough time in their own life or they wouldn't be lashing out at you. You block them, okay, because you don't want their poison to spread to anybody else. And then you delete them because you don't need to keep looking at that. Get it out of your life and clear your head and go back to work. Uh, eventually, it gets better. Every pain you experience in your life gets better at some point or less at some point. Stay the course. And if nobody is shooting at you, then you're not over the target. So you must be doing something right. There you go.

SPEAKER_07 29:25

There you go. Good stuff. Thank you guys. All right, so we're gonna probably break the internet or at least disturb some folks because the men are gonna talk about the emotions. I know this is gonna be hard to understand, but not only do we have them, we're gonna actually talk about them in this in this next question. So it's gonna be crazy. So, for you guys on the panel, what specific emotional state most often kind of messes with your perception or distorts your perception? What's the biggest challenge for you in that area? Is it anger, fear, pride, insecurity? What's that emotion that you had the biggest challenge with as it pertains to uh it kind of uh distorting your percept your perception of things? Per se.

SPEAKER_03 30:08

Yeah, I would I would say for me, uh anger definitely played a role in that. You know, I had unresolved emotions as a kid. Um, had the loss of my grandmother at a really early age, age of seven, and I didn't realize how much it had impacted me throughout my childhood. Uh so from an emotional state, you know, I was I was messed up, I was broken for a very long time. And it came out in different ways, you know, whether it be fighting all the time in school or just how I treated people, you know, in a wrong form of fashion back in the day. And uh that's where ego comes into play, right? I had to check myself at one point and put that ego at the side and just become a better person.

SPEAKER_07 30:49

Good stuff, man. Anyone else?

SPEAKER_01 30:51

Yeah, I want to, I would definitely say, just as you know, I grew up in a military home, my dad 27 years in the army and then 13 years in myself. So I grew up with this mentality of you know, you gotta accomplish the mission, you gotta succeed, you gotta go forward, and and all of that. So I would say it's fear of failure. Uh fear of just not making it, fear of like just you know, being a failure in front of all the people I do care about, family, friends, all of those that, you know, ultimately they're the ones that a lot of opinion does seep in, and I listen to, right? Because we all have people that we have we take in their counsel, we take in their um uh all of that, and we want to be successful and do well, um, you know, in those in those lights. But there's a level of that you can't let that get in the way because then we'll never do anything. If you're scared of not succeeding, then you'll just sit on your couch, and the only thing you'll succeed at is emptying the bag of Doritos, right? That's that's about it. Um, so we can't be any we can't let fear get in the way, and that's one reason why my podcast is called Valor Envision. Valor meaning having the courage in the face of adversity. We're gonna have adversities in our life, we're gonna have adversities here on social media. We're gonna, you know, however that looks, whether it's your content creating for uh any of the platforms out there, you're doing a podcast, whatever the case may be, or all of it, uh, we can't worry about that. Uh, I kind of also look at Proverbs 23, verse 9. Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of your words. And that's part of the other area of that. We're on social media and and podcasts and all of this and YouTube and everywhere. We are broadcasting to everyone, so you will run into those fools, like uh Roy was talking about, and those haters, and so therefore, do not speak in the hearing of the fool. Well, unfortunately, the way that this is set up, you will, your voice will be heard by the fools, for he will despise the wisdom of your words, which of course that's the negative comment that you get, and it's part of that. I love the one thing that you

Emotions That Distort Perception

SPEAKER_01 33:07

know, as a Christ follower and as all of us, bless that person because yes, they are going through a hard time, they are going through something in their life where they that for some weird reason brings them joy to bring hate on other people, and so they're definitely going through something, and that's where it's like, hey, don't listen to that. But who do you listen to? Because we all have some voices in our life that we listen to, and make sure to listen to those, make sure to hone in on those, make sure to uh care about those and put those at a loftier weight in your life than some comment that has no face.

SPEAKER_04 33:47

Yeah, I would say the the emotion I struggle with, similar to what Nick just said, is the the fear of disappointing those particular others. Uh, I've always been driven not to disappoint those people who are in my circle. I never want to bring shame to my parents, I never wanted to bring shame to my family's name. And now, as an adult, and as I made my way through the Marine Corps, I never want to uh disappoint my leadership. And then when I start getting in leadership, I never wanted to disappoint my subordinates. And it was a it was a struggle for me, but I knew how I grew up and and what that looked like, and I knew what I didn't want to do or didn't want to be in life, and that fear of failure, that fear of disappointing people, others started then turning inward. Now I I don't want to disappoint me. And it it takes a while for people to get there, some get there faster than others, but for me personally, that fear of disappointing particular others is something that I struggled with, and I still struggle with it to this day, if I'm being honest. Uh, the one thing that I cannot do is have somebody call my mama and say, What's wrong with that boy? You know, I that's still in the bed going on in the background of my mind, bro. I'm I'm thinking about that. So it did keep me on the straight and narrow from getting in trouble and doing stuff because I'm thinking, man, if I get caught up, my mama will go kill me. And I don't want that, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_07 35:35

All right, bring to the show, DL the low life says pride, pride, pride. If we look at the root of ego, need for success/slash fear of failure, anger, etc., we can trace them back to pride. Chris up, DL, thanks for watching and listening, brother. We love you, man. All right, so something you said, Stu, it's making me kind of think about something now. What do you guys think? Well, what do you know are accountability structures that help you see things more clearly? We always talk about accountability on this show because men need to hear that more often than not, just because of where they are in life. So we're talking about perception. Well, heard what everybody was saying, accountability. What do you have kind of what kind of uh accountability structure do you have in place to kind of help you see more clearly when it comes to you know not reacting emotionally and being, I guess, rational and not uh walking in an imperception of what's actually going on? What do you have have in place accountability-wise?

SPEAKER_02 36:33

I don't actually have like a set system in place. You don't have a system, I have a set group of friends.

SPEAKER_03 36:42

That's a system, right?

SPEAKER_02 36:43

I I got yeah, I well, I'm so you could call it a structure. I call it, I have like two or three people in my life that I pick up the phone and I call, and it's like, hey, this is what's going on, and I'm kind of freaking out, and I need someone else's perspective on this, I need an outside look on this. And in turn, I also try and be that for my friends. I got a call yesterday. My friend's going through some really rough seas right now, like the the storms in his life are hitting him from multiple angles, and he called me just freaking out, and we had like four different phone calls yesterday because like it was just like it was bad, and it was like, all right, you know, we we gotta breathe. Let's take the emotion out of this. You're using some really strong language. Let's let's take the emotion out of this, let's get the over-the-top reaction, right? We're we're I got it, we're freaked out. Let's slow that down and look at reality. Let's reframe this and look at honest reality. Is this in fact going to kill you? Is this in fact going to leave you destitute? Is this in fact going to XYZ? Right, and put that in. And that's what I look for, right? That's that's why I have a very small circle of a couple people just like I need, I I know I can call you, Mr. You, and be like, Hey, this is what's going on, and drowning, right? Yeah, and you're gonna be like, Yeah, but are you? I know it feels kind of like that right now, but but are you and uh they nailed

Fear, Failure, And Faith Anchors

SPEAKER_02 38:20

it crocodile dundee years ago when he's like right? Oh, yeah, right. And she's explaining that her friend went to this therapist and they talked about it, and everything was better. Now she's better. And he's like, Doesn't she have any mates? Right? It's a difference in the idea of friends. I I call those friends, the mates, the ones that I could call in the middle of the night and be like, yo, grab a shovel, don't ask questions, don't bring your cell phone. Right? Yeah, I call those friends when I need perspective.

SPEAKER_07 38:50

Copy that no, that's that's that's a good system. Michael dropped a comment on us, being careful of the company you keep. Well, that that's that's really important on this. Thank you, Michael, for the comment. Appreciate you, brother. Who's up next with their response to that question about accountability structures? Who got that? Who's up?

SPEAKER_00 39:04

Yeah, I'll jump in on that real fast. Just yeah, I'll go quick. Um, the the thing for me that I just started doing even just a couple years ago is um, you know, you guys seen that commercial about the uh Twix bar, like you know, you need a minute and you're like eat it for a second, and I have to shut up, they can't react. You know, it's a funny commercial, but it's based on a really important thing. Um, I believe that you never let them see you weak. When it comes to the people that depend on you, you don't let them see you weak because they're depending on you for your strength all the time. Um, well, an emotional outburst that is in reaction to something is weakness, and that's how I look at it. So I always look at it and I go, look, I can act, but I can't react. So if something hurts me, if I feel wounded, if I feel pain, like I want to react to it, I stop. I it that is my red flag. The minute I feel that feeling, I stop. And whatever's coming in my mind or coming to my mouth does not get out because that's not the truth. That's not coming from a place of truth, and that's not coming from me. That's coming from my wounded inner child reaction to whatever just happened. And when you can stop and you can say to yourself, act, don't react, and you just literally take a minute before you let it out, before you say anything, before you go off, that solves 99% of the problems. Now, I may think about it and then still do the wrong thing, but at least I, you know, gave myself a shot. But when you can put that in place, that's the biggest accountability measure that I've been able to uh put in place over the last couple of years, and it has helped my marriage and it has helped my relationship with my kids get even better.

SPEAKER_07 40:34

Quick note of uh a point of reference. We got some questions that are really some hard-hitting stuff, so we're gonna move a little bit quicker, all right? I want everybody to get a chance, chance to chime in some of this stuff. We got some comments here. I want to jump in real quick. Dio the low life says gotta be aware of the job friends, Joe from scripture. That's a good reference. That kind of friendship is is is uh uh interesting dynamic, if you will. Dr. B says accountability is so important, and sometimes we seek it when things are going wrong, but being proactive about accountability and making sure we're connected to people who can help us before things go wrong can be key. All right, good stuff, Dr. B. Thank you for sharing that. All right, so uh answers for us. This is one of those hard-hitting questions. You know, we always have one on show. How do you think others perceive your leadership at work, at home, at church, etc., or all three areas? How do you think people perceive your leadership? Well, fortunately, fortunately for I already know the uh some bad game that come.

SPEAKER_04 41:41

I would say fortunately for me, I get uh I get evaluated after every semester, after every class. Students leave their feedback, what they liked, what they didn't like. And some students are are very uh honest because it's anonymous and it can be real and true about how they feel. And I know that man, if you if you are if you're getting assessed like that from somebody you are in charge of or somebody you have the responsibility to teach, that's the greatest uh uh measure for me. Am I doing this right? And if if enough consistent comments uh lean towards me doing something not the right way, I pivot and I switch and I acknowledge, dang, you know what, I might not be doing this right. So I I'm thankful that I do get those uh those remarks, those comments. I'm not seeking validation and I'm not really adjusting my teaching style just to make students happy, but I am listening and I am paying attention to make sure I'm reaching the students where they are, and I'm also getting them to where I'm trying to get them uh, you know, at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 42:53

Got it. Thanks, man. Who's next? I think for me, I would say the one thing that um and and it is intentional is to always uh it's people first. Um it's caring about my people, and it's definitely, you know, I'm the um I'm the men's director and communications director at my church. Uh and you know, kind of leading a lot of the men, it's like, hey, ultimately, I'm here and I care about you. Right? We'll get the mission done, we'll do all the things that we need to do, and that's not a problem, because they realize I care about you. And that when push comes to shove, I've got your back at certain points. Right? And so that that lends into trust and that lends into them also returning, willing to put forth energy when, hey guys, we need to put together something like this weekend. We have to put together uh our we have so much ice everywhere at the church that we need to do uh we're asking other businesses around can we use your parking? lot on Sunday and we're gonna be shuttling people around and doing all this it's a completely new system and I'm

Accountability Circles And Cooling Off

SPEAKER_01 44:06

drawing men in to come together and say hey can we do this can we have a couple guys in their trucks be a shuttle and uh and help navigate parking which we normally never have to do and they're not a problem we got you let's do this let's get this done versus this guy forget you I'm not paying attention to you and it's when we care about one another I think that that's a major aspect at least that comes from me because I do I just I care about them.

SPEAKER_03 44:33

That's correct that's good man anybody else yeah I think for me the key is being consistent as a leader you know and having integrity right I've got about 20 20 leaders up under me um in the role that I currently have and it's showing up and being consistent every day you know I do solicit feedback as well during like performance reviews and things like that to where I may give them feedback on how they perform but I also ask them as well like you know is there anything I can change or what's your perception or or how you evaluate me as your leader you know so that I can help improve as well. So I think that's key is get soliciting that feedback on a consistent basis so to keep you in alignment.

SPEAKER_07 45:17

I love that good stuff Steven good stuff all right so check this out so our boy uh also friends of the show and fellow panelists Lee Freebirds in the house he said is someone's perception of you that important what is the value of evaluation that could be open question for those that mention evaluation in their answers.

SPEAKER_02 45:36

Somebody want to take a stab at that real quick especially that last question the value of evaluation you can't get better without feedback it's that simple you can't get better without feedback if you can't measure it you can't improve it and so the value of evaluation is is simply that if you're honest with yourself and you want to be the very best at whatever you're doing whether that's being the best leader or the best at your job or the best person you can be you you can't get better if you can't measure it.

SPEAKER_07 46:11

Evaluation is critical fair enough depend a little bit so you guys are all men here real red blooded American men nothing nothing talk about any of you guys you guys are true men and I love you for that what do you say what would you say is a cultural perception of masculinity that you accepted without even questioning whether it was legit or not a cultural perception of masculinity that you accepted didn't question it say you know what it is but it's the truth I believe it automatically without any kind of questions.

SPEAKER_00 46:48

Rory you had your hand up go ahead you first yeah I'll I'll start because uh that for me the very first one and the one that I still kind of hang on to is you know you we don't cry you just you can't cry no you can't let anybody see you cry if you cry you're weak that's that um you know forget about it and uh you know over the years I've kind of changed that into you can't cry in in weakness but uh you know when my kids were born I cried I don't care you know I'll I'll cry for happiness but uh you know that's pretty much it and honestly because it was one of the first things that that got hit it still sticks with me uh I won't cry in front of people like ever so it it's it's strong kid yeah I totally I I totally disagree with that crying to say about it I didn't say it was right yeah I remember I didn't say it was right it was what was the first thing that hit me well that that was something that I bought without even asking yeah that's that's what I'm that that's what I'm disagreeing with the perception that a man crying is being weak man it's so much power in being vulnerable and our society has told us especially as men boys don't cry be tough be this now you have adults walking around with emotional scars because they've always had to keep that stuff within instead of letting it out and being vulnerable and there's danger in being vulnerable and showing people you have vulnerabilities and weaknesses because there are people who will try to take advantage of your vulnerabilities but using that as an excuse to say I ain't I ain't I ain't gonna let nobody see me cry is that really healthy in in the development of of young men and teaching young men brother if you're hurting it's okay to cry now after you finish crying what are we gonna do how we gonna get over this hurdle and this obstacle in that work that's we're going to yeah I I tell I man cry let it out bro let it out Rory man I I've been I've been scared to speak is the mic still sounding crazy you sound amazing yeah I took the headphones off I I can't even hear Steve so I don't know if it's the snow or whatever

Measuring Leadership Through Feedback

SPEAKER_00 49:05

but man listen I respect you Rory but man I cried yesterday bro and I'll tell you why because Robert Lytle a good good marine buddy of mine sent me a video of him sitting in the car and he said clay this is for you and he started praying and man that boy prayed his freaking butt off dog and he prayed for my family he covered me he's sitting down in Frisco Texas like hey Father God help the clay family like he don't he don't know the the intricate details of what I'm going through here in this household every day unless I tell him but just that covering and and it being right and exact on time when that prayer came and man I couldn't help it now Roy I was by myself you know I it wasn't like a crowd of people watching me cry or whatnot but that vulnerability um I'm I'm not afraid to say it right now that man that was the real breakthrough bro you know that breakthrough of that moment of just like man like you said man crying when when when you see the kids oh no I would I wouldn't hear about the the kids I'm about to cry man I can't believe he just dropped like that now man wow well we're gonna keep the train moving some comments from our listeners today Mark Miller said preach I don't know he was talking to but probably talking about Warrior I'm not sure a friend of mine's uh from the daughter podcast fantastic podcast about some daughter what about the crying that means complaining I think don't cry many time means keep it together what you guys think so you guys can tackle that question it's a valid question Warrior you want to touch test if you're the expert on not crying wow all right um all right yes and you know thank you uh brother for that daughtered podcast friend of mine who uh uh is gonna be on the show one day I hope um that's exactly right you know um my whole thing is is uh again never let them see you weak I got no problem if you want to cry in in uh in private I got no problem if you want to cry with your brothers um you know but when when you openly are crying and and that type of thing and being that kind of vulnerable in front of your wife in front of your kids when they're looking for somebody to be strong I just think that's hard.

SPEAKER_07 51:28

So again I'm not judging anybody else man the question was okay well what is one piece of masculinity that you just accepted without question I said right hey so I'm not telling everybody else don't cry all right I'm just saying I don't you know what I mean and that's clarifying that because I am a private at the time I appreciate you brother with the question same thing good stuff here all right Lee Freebrick's back in again he said crying in public is not the same as crying in private fair enough I mean if you said sitting at the at the grocery store supermarket crying I mean I don't know what to do with that that's that's that's different unless it's just like you know stand at the uh the checkout line and you ain't got enough money for the food you just bought that okay that's that's different to me but just crying random i i might feel the uh uncomfortability like you guys too but i'm i'm not against that i'm in touch with my emotions man all right so dio said roy you're making me cry right now okay this is this is i i would i'm i don't see an loral after it so i don't know if he's like joking because sometimes he does joke i'm i don't okay i don't know what to do with that i'm gonna leave that alone let's move on all right so tell me what perception in your life needs to be reframed or you can't use the answer you just used just now you gotta find something else okay but don't use that but what perception in your life currently has to be reframed this this is men being transparent that's what we do on this show there's a perception in your life right now and you probably know what it is off the top of your head you already know came right to the front needs to be reframed no question asked you can't get around it you got to change this what's that perception go ahead can I uh can I throw a curveball into this question don't just don't change perception that needs to be changed it's not a perception and it's our confusion with perceived value versus perception we have a lot of things we think have to do with our perception and it's we're making percept is perception that's not it's perceived value and it alters the way we perceive things all the time and so we have to separate that out when we start talking about perception right because we have a lot of things in our life that need to change perception wise because we're not actually doing perception we're judging based on perceived value not our actual emotional feeling towards it love man love I do it just for question and just give me an answer you can either question and I still don't I still don't have an answer give me an answer to the new question the new question the

Culture’s Scripts About Masculinity

SPEAKER_07 54:16

old question I mean just give me one answer that worked for me you have an answer for your new question that you just posed well answered that that is the answer we need to change and evaluate and actually get real about ourselves because a lot of our perception is skewed by perceived value okay bring out here starting stuff I didn't say it now just to just to be quick I didn't say it all right who's next I think that's I think that's a hard question to answer a lot of times for men because we're we're self-conditioned to to move forward and not necessarily reflect a lot of times so uh I don't necessarily agree with it but I'm just saying that I think that's what kind of gets us stuck at times is we like to move forward we need to be tough you know you can't go back and reflect some of the things that you really need to work on.

SPEAKER_03 55:07

I would say for for me specifically uh not having to control everything right I think is a big thing that I need to continue to work on and understand that God is ultimately in control and and continue to lean on him. That's the key for me.

SPEAKER_07 55:27

That's a good one I don't know if you guys got a chance to see it it's only it's on it's on our YouTube channel so it's kind of I forgot that it was on there I'm like if I had thought about it before I streamed it I wouldn't let it be on there because I'm like you guys don't want to see this but maybe you do. But Dr. B he's still in here he knows he had a guest on his show this is the uh antithesis of everything that we believe on this show the total opposite it's it's not even it's not even just off offensive it was odious to say the least so I we have to kind of just deal with mindset and I so what you said kind of just hit me Stephen that you know there's some things that we gotta just we gotta just come to terms with and just really deal with so this this was that was a really really bad example of that but I like that we're being transparent about what we know we're not uh doing quite right because men have been perceived as somebody who has to be dominating and controlling like the gentleman I'm talking about has to control every situation everything is his but he gives nothing everything is to be given to him but he gets nothing out you know and that kind of mindset is where a lot of stuff comes from so for you to say that Steven about dealing with that mindset not having to be in control of everything that's refreshing doesn't mean give the reins over everybody else it just means you know you stay in your land you do what you're supposed to be doing that's your responsibility and let everybody else handle theirs without you having to control and nitpick and everything that goes on. So take out the episode if you want to know about it I'll tell you offline not on the air I'll show you where you can find it on our channel and you can watch it for yourself and be grieved like I but anybody's got an answer for that for that question.

SPEAKER_01 57:03

I I'm gonna I want to piggyback off of Steve a little bit there because I think that that I think there's a bigger concept of there of what does strength actually mean what you know and I think that we've looked at and one we we can dive into all the foolish things that us men love to do right there's the if you don't drive a truck you're not a man you're right you can have all these different sayings I actually watched a video today and uh this guy had this shirt and he says he who dies with the most amount of tools wins right another kind of just a manly thing of saying you know those that love to build things well that's that's what the mark of a man is to have all these cool tools right and so we can have all these like superficial things and we all kind of know those are funny but don't live by that. But the word of God talks about having wisdom and knowing when and when not to do certain things and strength is actually having a lot more of that wisdom. Some people think that being a strong man means I just go around and punch anybody in the face whoever disagrees with me and look I win because I'm strong and actually you're emotionally weak is who you are when you act like that. You know and so being able to control your emotions makes you strong knowing when and when not to cry knowing when and when not to punch knowing when and when not to speak those types of things make you strong because having strength up here can have so much more power in the world than strength right here. So I love it.

unknown 58:37

Dr.

SPEAKER_07 58:38

B said my wife says crying is one of the parts she loves about me.

SPEAKER_04 58:40

That's beautiful I love that brother well said the uh to answer the question the something I try to practice on a daily basis is putting myself in the shoes of somebody else before coming to a a judgment about them having empathy for their situation why are they acting the way they're acting why are they doing the things that they're doing and then trying to trying to help them if I can help them but it's really hard sometimes not to look immediately at a situation and start stereotyping or prejudging. And I I have to constantly remind myself okay what if you were in their their shoes how would you react how would you respond what would well how would you handle this this situation and that that's a battle for me all the time because I am constantly surveying and sizing up everybody in every situation everywhere I go and and that's probably the military brainwashing you know situational

Crying, Vulnerability, And Strength

SPEAKER_04 59:40

awareness and you know what's the where's the nearest exit who who in here if they you know if something jump off who am I gonna have to knock out to get out of here now I'm I'm doing that I'm not even in right so and that that translates over into just your observation and stereotyping of people so I I definitely try to uh be empathetic to what people are going through and why they're doing what they're doing.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:06

Copy that all right mark has two questions this one we already answered that early never so the answer is yes it is more powerful it in today's world not saying it's white but that's that's the case there but your second your first question we're gonna try to tackle that for you how much does society program our perception of success and how do we break free from that anybody want to jump in on that real quick yeah I got you come on society programs everything out about our perception of success and lies to you constantly almost everything society is telling you what is success is a lie.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:36

And it they will barrage you with it in the media in movies television music it's all loaded with a bunch of crap to tell you that this is exactly what the American dream is this is what success looks like until you actually define it for yourself right because success is a self-defining thing it's not something that what's successful for Rory what's successful to Yusuf what's successful to all these guys is going to be different than what's I think is successful necessarily now I say that a lot of us are probably actually on the same page that's why we're on this panel um so we probably have a lot of areas where we overlap and agree on that but you have to define what success looks like is success having the time you want with your family controlling your time ours is actually being rich right we all say we want to be rich we all want to be stupidly rich. Why? Because we all want to control our time it has nothing to do with being rich it has to do with controlling what we do when we do it and how we do it right so everything society tells you about being rich about being successful comes to power and being rich. It's really not if I make a good enough living where I can go and support my family and take vacations with them and spend time and go to my kids' events and go on date nights with my wife that's pretty stinking successful especially in the modern era where it generally takes two or three more you better you have to define what success looks like to you and just assume that society's lying about everything else Steve is that is that is that the Mark Miller that we know Steve yeah no doubt it is hey hey Mark hey you hear it's out there bro you you are extremely successful young man I respect you with all my heart mind body and soul you know and and you've been that since a young pup coming up and now you're a man and you're out here you're making things happen you know you're here you're here with us right now think about how many individuals right now at at 1 p.m on on Saturday the 31st of January is somewhere God knows where but you're here with like minded individuals learning grasping asking those questions and that's that's what real success is man you can't do it alone no matter what bro you cannot do it alone and Brent's right man like it it's it's it's your knowledge of self it's it's how you define that knowledge of yourself with the creator with with like minded individuals you can't walk in a room and never think you're the smartest individual in the room shout out to Mark man you know I love you Neon say love you much love to you brother always yeah I'll piggyback off that a little bit uh so a lot of men you know they pursue approval from other people right I think that's the key to this too but instead you know they neglect you know their purpose right so this question kind of ties perfectly into the book that I wrote is called From Silence to Success and for me I broke free because success for me is being able to wake up every day and look in the mirror.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:52

And I think that's critical to to anybody trying to break free.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:55

Can you look at yourself every day when you wake up yeah absolutely I think just the breaking free part it's um you know the whole saying comparison is the thief of all joy stop comparing yourself stop looking at social media and just like you said Steven like look at the mirror right are you doing better today than yesterday even by one percent then keep doing that and keep going after what you know you need to be doing what God has put on your heart the vision that God has put before you to go after that's success and don't measure yourself off of the social media or any other way that you can compare yourself to others right every man has their own different path and no path is you know as long as it's aligned with Christ you you can't go wrong.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:48

I hope you got a finding value in this conversation I hope you got to find a value in it well you want to drop something real quick man I just wanted to say I agree with everybody and that's where I was going to go is where Nick just went you know the one thing society leaves out is your relationship with Christ man and that's the whole thing you know the perception society gives you is that it's all in your control and when you finally realize that it's not and that it's his plan and you surrender only to him and to that then I I think you're on your way to actual success love that man so hope you got to find value in this conversation because the perception is a real thing and we all got to deal with it this is our final question and this is for not only for our panel but for the listeners and

What Needs Reframing Right Now

SPEAKER_00 1:05:24

viewers who who are channel coming in in the comment session thank you all for watching and listening love you guys so much appreciate you so the question is how would you redefine strength for the next generation of men if you're a woman you can refrain from answering but if you're a man we'd love to hear your answer how would you redefine strength for the next generation of men because people because people are watching and who knows how uh vulnerable they are in their life right now who knows how much they need to have conversations like this they may need support and accountability and maybe don't

SPEAKER_07 1:06:00

Habit. What would you say to these guys? I want to hear from everybody on the panel, and then we're going to go ahead and close out. Get you back to your Saturday afternoon. I'll be watching the snow, so you guys can have fun doing what you're going to be doing. But how would you redefine strength for the next generation of men? Come on, let's go. Popcorn style. Come on.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:16

I would say uh you have to have emotional intelligence, right? We kind of tapped on that earlier in the show. I think you need to continue to pursue that, work on that, and then to go back to what we discussed earlier, having that circle of uh folks that can hold you accountable, right? Do you do you have like-minded people surrounding you that's not gonna be yes, men or women, that's gonna hold you accountable? I think that's critical as well.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:40

Christopher Steven, who's next?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:44

I think I'll jump in real quick and just kind of okay. First of all, um, there's a level of I disagree with this question because the generations don't change. Right? The word of God has been true for many, many, many gen generations, and I would say dive into that. The the wisdom, knowledge, the understanding, the heart, the fruits of the spirit, dive into what the word of God is telling you. And that hasn't changed from generation to generation. We need to tap into that which is eternal. And as long as you do that and you listen to the word of God, I think you can't go wrong. Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:19

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait on, hold on, hold on, hold on a second. That should be defined, strength, not redefined.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:27

I wouldn't redefine, there's no redefining strength. That is strength.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:31

Redefined as a mistake, it should be defined.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:33

That's right.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:34

That's what so that's what that's what happened. So your argument is is is moot now. I respect what you said though. Who's next? Sorry about that, y'all. Should be defined, not redefined. My apologies. Go ahead. Who's next?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:52

All right, I'll jump in. Everybody's gonna be quiet. Cool. Um I uh I have had to do this because I have uh young men uh as sons, and so they are that generation right now, and they're all uh getting ready to have babies, which will be the next generation. And uh the most important thing that oh yeah, it's awesome, man. Get to be a grandpa. Uh but um anyway.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:11

I got three great grandchildren now, so go ahead and talk that if you'd like to.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:14

I got a long way to go, brother. I got a long way to catch you guys. But the the things with them, honestly, that I've tried to instill in them in terms of the next generation and what they have to do that I think maybe have gotten lost over the over the time frame here is that you have to lead by example. And I think that these guys have to step up, they have to lead by example. They it's not enough just to have faith. You have to steward that, you have to disciple your own family and your own children at the kitchen table. You have to make sure that you're leading by example in your faith so that they pick that up. And I think everything, everything that we talk about today, if we just think it and we we know it, that's fine. But if we aren't doing it, if we aren't living it, and if we aren't showing the people who depend on us that this is the way you live your life, then I think a huge piece is lost. So I want to see the young men of the next generation do what I'm telling my sons to do, and that is lead by example.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:04

Fantastic comments from you guys, and go ahead, Stu. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:07

Uh, I would to answer the question, it would be knowledge of self and self-determination. And everybody's gonna have to get there on their to to according to their own standards. Know yourself, know what your goals are, and know that you don't need to necessarily get there by yourself. Steven said it perfectly. Surround yourself with a village of people who are gonna challenge you and hold you accountable, and the next generation is gonna be fine. As long as they don't get sucked into uh the falseness of everybody online can be who they want to be, and they don't need to do that to try to impress anybody. Work on knowledge of self, being self- having self-determination, and more importantly, be a critical thinker. So you can weed out a lot of the BS and a lot of the fake and the fraud that's out there. And if you critically think, man, you that filter will allow you to sort through a lot of the stuff that you see online that appears to be real, but it's not real at all. So critical thinking is something that I hone in on to uh not just

Society’s Programming Of Success

SPEAKER_04 1:10:24

the younger generation, our generation and the older generation. Because older people always talk about what younger people aren't doing, but I see a lot of people our age and older not critically thinking.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:37

No doubt.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:38

So that's what I would that's how I would answer that question.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:42

I think you're the last one, right, Tio? Come on.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:45

Man, to add on to that, man, is is is is a blessing and a privilege because man, like I went to a high school basketball game last night with my youngest son, he's 11. And just, you know, perfect seats, right in the middle, looking in both sides of the court. And I was like, man, these young fellas don't play like we played, man. Everybody out here wants to be Stephen Curry, you know, every six, seven guys pulling three pointers and all that. But man, looking at my young son, I I I told him, I said, but you know what? Uh seasons change, you know, and and and a lot of times we see the younger people mimicking what they see, which goes back to what Brother Steve just said, man. Like, we have to be the example, man. You know, and I'm just being honest with you, gentlemen. You know, everything can sound so good, but I'm a black man, and and I can promise you, in some of the areas in which I frequent, man, these young people are hurting, man. And I ain't about getting emotional. I know we're about to get up off this joint, but man, I I feel a duty to do anything by any means necessary to position myself in the thick of it to help. How can I help? You know, so again, man, I think this form is what we're we're we're really dang the mark. You know, we're we're diverse, we're different backgrounds, we're from different places. You know, and I I leave it by saying, man, we're two or three gather. Brother Steve Miller, bro, we're two or three gather. When we come together and somebody was blessed today, I I saw I saw my family, Riley Warner. Shout out to Riley Warner. He's gonna take what he saw today and he's gonna go implement. I think, man, all the talk is one thing, implementation is everything, brother.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:38

No doubt. After uh Brent uh finishes up with us, uh we're gonna end the show with some of the comments of your friends and people who are shy in so you can hear this episode bless somebody. So, Brent, real quick, you can go ahead and chime in there, and then we go to the comments, and then we go ahead and close out. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:57

The answer to strength is humility for this generation and for every generation to come. If we start at a place of humility, that is where strength starts. It's when we can be honest with ourselves and be humble and say, I have room to be better, so therefore I should try and be better. That's where strength grows.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:20

Thank you, sir. Good stuff. All right, Lee Freeberg. Miyamoto Musashi said that a man should feel his emotions but not obey them. Boy Terrell Warner says, Great conversation backed by real thoughts. Definitely appreciate it. Keep God first and keep becoming a better you daily. I love it. Byron says, by building emotional maturity and spiritual depth in young men, you prepare the next generation to lead with strength, character, and wisdom. That's my spiritual son, y'all. Love that. Dr. B said, love it, have 16 grand kids. Man, you get the you get the trophy. Ain't nobody gonna beat you, man. This contest is over. I'm talking about just congratulations, man. Lee Freeberg, I know he was an army man, he wants to know if you were marine. So I saw I saw the hat, but I don't know why Lee asked that question. But I I love Lee and it's all good. So he okay. I shouldn't even mention the army because now look what you guys are doing. You guys are being petty now. He's in the army, let him let him let him live. Okay, but anyways, thank you guys for watching and listening for you guys on the panel today. This was a fantastic episode. I I don't know where to even start. We do the uh post-production and clips and all that kind of stuff, man. But you guys are watching and listening for the first time and you haven't seen the show until now. Upper right hand corner of the screen is a QR code that allows you to catch all of our shows. Of course, please jump to our YouTube channel, youtube.com at they call me Mr. You. You'll see all of the men's roundtable series podcasts and these handsome warriors right here. You see them on screen, talk talking about real life men stuff. Love for you to jump in there and follow us, subscribe over there, and check out some of those episodes. And we're gonna have this episode, which is gonna be on all the listening platforms within the within the uh within the hour, excuse me. Uh so beside that, man, you can find these guys, you can contact them in the chat. If you want to uh check out their work, and they all almost all of them have podcasts, or they if they don't, they will. So they got they got a lot of content, good stuff going on out there, and Lee Freeberg kind of missed this joke. Look look look look here look look here, Lee. I don't even know what we I don't know where you're going with this, but thank you. Thank you guys for watching, listen to the men's round table series podcast. We boys are for real. We're a man and we are proud of it. God bless you guys. Have a great day. Thanks for watching and listening.